Wake Up! Government Reassignment of Children is real!

We wander through this life with the perceptions of a reality that is composed of our own problems, our own challenges, and our own celebrations. We believe what it is that we need to believe to support our decisions and prevent us from taking on the issues of others unless these issues somehow coincide with our own. This is not a mean statement nor one that is accusatory but it is the truth. Have you ever tried to disprove a situation that brought you joy or peace? Of course not! If your belief allows you to sleep at night, then you will work hard to maintain that belief and push aside any evidence that could contradict your belief.

But what if your belief is wrong? What if, by holding so closely to your belief, you actually are bringing other people harm and putting yourself at risk of the same harm? It is a surreal existence. It is a life-altering realization. It is the truth. The things that you believe that you deserve, that you are entitled to, that you should support, may actually be debilitating to others. Then, one day, you will look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back at you.

Society does not need to be pinched to make sure that it is awake. Instead, it needs to be woken up! You believe that you are saving children but you are destroying families. You think that you are better or chosen by God, but God placed these children into their mother’s womb. You think that the world is working in the best interest of the children but it is money, always money, that drives the government’s involvement in the lives of the private citizens.

Children are being hurt. I have seen it first hand. I continue to see the fear and the pain. I know that there is nothing that I can do to undo the year that my grandchildren were held in the state’s captivity but I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to protect them and all children moving forward.

There is a way to go about protecting children without stealing them. There is a way to be a part of the next generation without hindering their lives or mocking the decisions that God made long before governments were formed or systems were in place. This is not a dream, people. This is not a game. I am angry and you, if you choose to wake up from your delusions, should be angry too.

Read the reports. Listen to the mothers who are afraid to give birth because the vultures will be standing outside the delivery room. Know that not every mother on earth is neglectful and abusive but that every mother on earth is at risk for having their children ripped from their arms because someone else wants to have a child or feels entitled to that which is not their own.

The government continues to remove children and reassign them to people that support their agenda. Maybe the foster parents or adoptive parents support the same political party or attend the same religious functions. Perhaps they will raise the children in the mindset of the chosen race or affiliation. Wait…the government would do that?

YES!!!!! Wake up, people! This is happening! This is not a dream! This is the reality!

Please, look around. Shouldn’t fit parents be allowed to raise their children? Shouldn’t expectant mothers be excited about their child rather than looking for alternative birthing options to prevent their newborn from being kidnapped? Shouldn’t we all be protecting children and families?

The evidence is there, do not dismiss it to protect your own reality.

“Gigi”

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CPS Expects you to Accept their Power! Do Not!

We expect a lot of things in our lives and, in the same breath, we accept a lot of things to be simply as they are despite our expectations or desires. Some of us expect to be passed over in celebration but accept that it is our role as a human being to encourage that celebration. Others expect to be treated fairly and accept that this is not always the case when dealing with teenagers!

However, these daily and normal expectations come with experiencing life as is intended. For those of us who have experienced life through the pain of a CPS investigation, and for those of you who have yet to experience this atrocity but are likely to do so as their power continues to grow, expectations and acceptance take on a whole new role.

You see CPS targets families who are perceived to be weak. The uneducated, the impoverished, the immigrant, the single parents, are all likely to receive a knock at their door. And do you know what, most of these people, including myself, believe that the government is there to help them out of a bad situation? What is even worse, we may not have viewed the situation as bad before they quickly told us just how much “imminent danger” our lives brought to the children!

But wait, the children are fed, clothed, loved, receiving medical care, receiving education, and happy? They have bonded with their family, have a routine, and present no concern of neglect or abuse in the care of their parent?!

Hmmm, but they are the government. They know things. They have a better way of doing things. They have the power to see the future and, according to this “power” they know that your child is in imminent danger or will be soon in the future!!!!

They word this in a way that foster parents, extended family, and community members believe that this power must be real and that this organization is clearly looking out for the children!

Are you all serious? You seriously believe that there is an organization of people who have such a power yet they don’t use their fortune telling ability to win the lottery or prevent terrorist attacks?

There is a financial incentive for placing children outside of their home. The ability to target families without the ability to fight the system aids in achieving this incentive. To these families, the ones who do not believe that they have the resources to fight, FIND THE RESOURCES! For those who have overcome the power, be the resources! Do not accept their power. Do not accept that you are meant to lose your children. Do not do what they expect you to do! Do not give up!

Do the unexpected: WIN!

“Gigi”

Do not Stop Fighting: They are your Children!

I am a member of several groups on Facebook regarding the fight against CPS. I acknowledge that many of you may still be under the misconception that Child Protective Services is in place to “save” children and, in some rare instances, this is true. However, from our experience and the experiences of many others, there is a broken and corrupt system at play here that is systematically reassigning children for profit. Now, I do not intend to debate with anyone, at least not at this point, the logistics of the system, the money trail, or the abuse in foster care. Instead, I want you all to take a moment and pray for the families who are struggling with losing their children. The mothers who have jumped through the impossible hoops of “improvement plans” only to face termination of their parental rights. The addicts who have gotten clean. Those who have never had a drug problem. The mothers and fathers who have lost their children due to the behaviors of their significant others who they have left at the first sign of trouble.

I read the posts online and I see the despair. I read the articles about mothers and fathers who have taken their own lives in the face of losing their children. Did you know, if they ask for mental health aid during a CPS case that this is used against them to show instability? Would you need therapy if your children were ripped from your dinner table? Would that show you as being unfit or so loving that you cannot imagine your life without your children? Is it wrong that mothers and fathers define their identity as such?

I read of a woman who had been clean from drugs for many years yet, someone accused her of using again. She tested clean but because she had a history of drug use, the state took her children to “be safe” and promised to return them once they were sure that she was clean. Many years later, still fighting the system, she gave up. She gave them what they wanted. She returned to drugs and once they had broken her, they adopted her children to another family.

They will try to break you. They will use every ounce of your past against you. They will bring up things that have nothing to do with your ability to parent. They will make your love for your children look like your weakness or your ability to remain calm look like a lack of caring. They will try everything that they can to keep your children once they have them.

These are the realities of CPS. These are scary facts that may make you wonder how I can say to keep fighting. Why not give up if they are going to keep going? The answer is simple:

These are your children!

Be mad. Be angry. Be hurt. Be sad. But do not alter in your presentation of yourself. Do not be weak inside because they will use it against you. Do not give up! Do not give them what they want, your children, without a fight because there is hope. We are hope. Right now, the children who they tried to steal are eating breakfast and planning out the day. We are still recovering. There are still questions. But we are getting through it as a family. You will too. So please, to the men and women who are considering giving up, who are considering suicide or drugs, your children need to know now, more than ever, that you will not give up on them!

My heart aches for these families. Please, take a moment to educate yourself on what is happening in our country and around the world. Please take a moment to pray for those who are sad and uplift those who need a hand.

Be a friend. Lend an ear. Make a change.

“Gigi”

Fruit Pizza: Why we love it and why we do not eat it!

It was an almost perfect day considering the two weeks prior. Clarabelle splashed in her little pool on the porch while Elliott, still in his sling from his broken femur, sat in his swing and watched his sister play. We had been through a horrendous event followed by more shattering events but we were determined not to let our stress affect the way the children remembered this perfect spring day. pool

I decided that we would make a special treat. I ran to the local grocery store for some supplies. While in line, I got a call from the CPS investigator who stated that she was only needing to verify some details. I tried to minimize the conversation so as to not expose our family crisis to the other people in line and then went on home to enjoy some fruit pizza. 

Oh, we had a blast. Clarabelle ate more fruit as we sat the bowls on the table than ever made it to the sugar cookie crust but the end result was still awesome!

After we ate our treat, I went to take a nap. Naps are a beautiful part of my day. However, it took a long time before I could sleep again because I was awoken to the sound of my daughter’s shaking voice saying, “mom, they are here to take the children. There are cops.” That was the moment our nightmare truly began. That was the moment that I wished that I knew all of the things that I know now. That is the moment that I pray none of you ever have to experience.

While we have made it out of the Hell of CPS, it is moments like these when you realize just how much was taken. From the moments with the kids to the inability to enjoy a favorite treat, we can never undo the damages. However, we can move forward and enjoy every present moment and, perhaps, find a new favorite treat!

Enjoy a slice for me:-)

“Gigi”

Know the Players in your CPS Case (An insider’s guide on who to trust)

Ok, so “players” usually refers to a game and this is real life for you. I get that! But, for these people, you and your children are just pawns in an elaborate game of Monopoly that involves real money. When we began our case, we did not know who was who or who to trust (stretching this term) and even more important, who to focus on. I mean, you have played Monopoly, right? The game is much easier won if you have loose allies. Someone to trade with during the game. In the end, you still try to take them out but you both got to play a bit longer because of this alliance. The problem is, if you choose the wrong person to “buddy” with, they may try to take you out of the game early. They may actually trade you the wrong piece of property by steering your attention elsewhere. Quite frankly, they might cheat!

With that said, I am going to give you a list of the people involved in our case (obviously with no names) and explain their role in us eventually getting Park Place and Boardwalk (aka the children home)

  1. The CPS Investigator: In our case, we had 2. The first one was in the state where the injury occurred and the second was in the state in which we lived. The first one met us at the hospital. Talked to the family and released the children to my daughter with paperwork to protect her and the children from the father until we returned home. We thought this was over at that point. However, Investigator A transferred the case to Investigator B because of the interstate jurisdiction laws. Investigator B met with my daughter and mother once they returned home (I stayed behind one extra day due to previous plans and the belief that everything was settled). Investigator B had my daughter sign a “protection plan.” She assumed this was a protective order and never filed a DVP (this later caused major issues). Make no assumptions and do not trust any paperwork from the investigator. (Side note: unlike many cases, we did not encounter any falsification from the investigator in the final court but I hear that this occurs often. So, be cordial and polite but hold your trust on this one.)
  2. District Attorney or ADA: I did not even know that the DA would be involved in family court but they represent the state so there they were. We never spoke to the ADA in our case. She never met the children. She never entered our home. She had no history other than the case files. She had one motive which was to “win” a case. I do not know if it is possible to gain access to this player. She is kinda like the banker who does not see the property but only the winnings. These cases are not the primary function of the ADA and therefore they appear to be very robotic. Be personable when directing responses in court. It will show the difference between the “law” and the human factor in the eyes of the judge.
  3. Court Appointed Attorneys: In our case, there were three to begin with to include my daughter’s, mine, and the father’s attorneys. To begin with, it was clear that these cases are just kinda their passage to other cases meaning, they did not choose these cases because of a true belief that they can or should win. My daughter opted to pay an attorney outside of the county simply to break up the “good ole boy’s club.” However, even this paid lawyer was not essential to our case. The lawyers chose to practice law but they did not choose to take on so many appointments because CPS overloads them. They are overloaded! Do your part. Show them how serious you are. Do some of the research. Let them know you are a team. Trade some property and form the alliance. This may not be easy and I know a lot of people will tell you that this is pointless. But, I am telling you from experience, your lawyer does not have the time to allocate to win your case but they still want to win. Help them to win!
  4. Ongoing Social Worker: When our case was transferred from the investigator to the ongoing worker, we believed that this was a step forward. However, this is a typical process and does not mean you are out of the woods. It means that the state believes that they have collected enough evidence to keep your children. The role of the ongoing worker is to establish the services and help to facilitate reunification. We NEVER spoke to this worker outside of the courthouse or MDT meetings! NEVER! She spoke to the foster parents a few times and saw the children. She communicated with the provider for supervised visitations. But she never spoke to us. And we tried! She formed a good relationship with the foster parents and we were sure that she was pushing for them to keep the children. However, she did not speak during the hearing. She did not testify. She was present but did not speak for or against us. She was just there. I guess, throughout the entire case, she was just there. I believe, if you are placed on an improvement plan, the ongoing worker should be one of your closest allies. You should do everything in your power to befriend them. However, in our case, there was no services required other than visitation until dismissal so this was not necessary. I know many people have a lot of negative things to say about their ongoing worker but we really did not encounter ours often enough to speak either way. I am only including this on the list as a way to let new families know about the different parties that will be involved.
  5. The GAL: This individual is essential to your case. The GAL is responsible for representing the “best interest” of your children. In his eyes, you must be the “best interest.” I do not care if you live by the belief that you have nothing to prove to anyone because you are an amazing parent (this is probably true) but to the GAL you have EVERYTHING to prove! We see so many cases of abuse in foster care but, unfortunately, we also see cases of abuse by bio families once the children have been returned home. The GAL is aware of this possibility and will err on the side of caution to protect themselves and the children. I understand that this may be an unwelcomed assertion at this point, but it is the absolute truth. If the GAL thinks that there is the slightest possibility that the children will be harmed if they recommend that the children be returned home, then they will not make this recommendation! With that said, the judge almost always goes along with the recommendations of the GAL so, put on your best mommy/daddy face. Be polite. Be sincere. Don’t trade property just give it to this one! Invite them to visits. Encourage them to know you and your children. Even if they do not come, make them feel welcome. Talk to them. Every chance you get. Show them how important your children are to you. But, I will say this because of other people’s reports, be careful. This is an ally NOT a friend! If you are depressed, anxious, having mental health issues etc. this is not the person to tell. Do not give them any information that would make them question your ability to parent!
  6. Supervised visitation providers: Okay, so I have spoken about our excellent relationship with ours but this is not the experience of all people. If you go to your visits and feel as if you are being judged….. YOU ARE! This is their JOB! They will write down everything! If you raise your voice, if you are on your phone, if you appear tired, sick, or bored…IT WILL BE IN YOUR FILE!!! Do not believe that, because they are in their laptop or phone, that they are not watching. They are emailing, taking notes, and, yes, JUDGING! With this said, these are the only people who you will have constant contact with. These are the ones who will really know you. These are the people who are traveling with your children and trying to calm them if they are upset at the end. These are your best chance at a true ally in your case. If they make a recommendation, FOLLOW IT! If they show a concern, ADDRESS IT! Let them know that all you want to do is be the best parent you can be for your children! Do not be scared or distant but do be cautious. Do not tell them personal information that could be used to make you look bad. Even if not intended negatively, they are required to put this in your file. Be cordial, respectful, and kind. Be diligent in your parenting and genuine in expressing your concerns.
  7. The Foster Parents: There are many different settings that your children may be placed in. Most of the time, they will be placed with foster parents. The foster parents are rarely involved with the actual court case. They do not generally testify or appear in court. However, they do speak to the GAL, investigator, and ongoing workers. They do have your children for holidays, birthdays, doctors, milestones, bedtimes, bathtimes….you know….they have your children. So, as far as the court case is concerned, they do not play a crucial role but as far as your ability to maintain a relationship with your children through the case, they can make or break these options. You are jealous. You are angry. You are hurt. I get that. Trust me. We lost one of every single holiday. But, being mean will get you nowhere! I have had many negative comments because of a previous blog showing compassion for the foster parents but understand that everyone is being lied to and yes, they may have what you deserve but they did not actually take them from you. If possible, have a working relationship with the foster parents. This will show your true concern for the children’s best interest. Eventually, you will have your children home and they will no longer be a concern so do not mistake this relationship as a friendship. But, for now, do what you have to do to spend every possible moment with your children.
  8. The Judge: This is the key player. This is the little guy with the funny eyeglasses that owns the game of monopoly. This is not the banker. This is the BANK! Regardless of the recommendations, the statements, the reports, the witnesses, the truth, the judge makes the decision that determines whether or not you maintain the right to parent YOUR children! Do not disrespect the judge! Do not appear disrespectful to the judge! This is the one moment in your life that you are being judged and this is the person doing the judging. The judge is scary (I literally was shaking) but he or she is a person. They may look as if they are just a part of the courtroom but know that they have a family and a life outside of that room. Talk to them like a person. Show them who you are as a parent. But remember, they have read what everyone else has written. You have to prove the reports are wrong. You have EVERYTHING to prove!

Okay, so now that you know the key players and how they can affect your case, do not stop researching. Learn everything you can about each person. I remember one time we had a visit with a doctor during the case and he was discussing his credentials. I said “you also like cats.” The look on his face was priceless when I told him I had checked his facebook to see if there were any negative reviews. He said he had never had anyone research him before and my answer was simple, “if you are going to be involved in the care of my grandson, then I am going to make sure that I can trust you.”

Be diligent in your case. These are YOUR children!

We did not choose to play the game but we can choose to win it!

“Gigi”

Halloween Moments! Things that we no longer have to miss!

Oh, how I dreaded the holidays last year. It was absolutely painful to view all of the decorations in the stores and lining the houses on the streets. I did not want to feel that way, (I had always loved every silly tradition) but I could not help it. Nothing was the same. The grandchildren were not home. My oldest son had moved to Florida. My daughter was unable to form a smile without her children. My youngest son could not find a way to make it better. It was a miserable time!

Generally, every holiday gets a whole month. I know. That’s extreme but we have a lot of traditions and I do not intend to miss a single one this year! Today is the kickoff for Halloween and we certainly enjoyed ourselves!

My advice to everyone, do not take a single moment for granted! During the last year, we managed to do holiday crafts and implement a few traditions into our visits. But, I tell ya, there is nothing better than having them “home for the holidays.”

To the return of our family and our traditions!

“Gigi”

Why didn’t they have to go? Questions from a former foster child

As you know, my granddaughter and grandson were removed from our home for just shy of a year due to a CPS investigation that was later dismissed. The children were returned home as if the case never happened and we began to put our lives back together. As the family had purchased property in Florida prior to the case and had intended to relocate, my son had made this move during the year of CPS involvement in order to get my other two grandchildren settled and allow Gloria to access better options for therapy related to DS.

For this reason, I was away from all four of my grandbabies for the majority of that year which also meant that they were away from their cousins. This was heartbreaking but we worked tirelessly to make sure that they were aware of one another. We taught Clarabelle and Elliott sign language just as Gloria’s therapists in Florida were teaching her and her brother. We knew that, eventually, they would all be together again and, now they are!

It never dawned on me that the distance between her home in West Virginia and the home of her foster parents was processed in the same way as the distance from our home in West Virginia to Florida. But, apparently, Clarabelle believed that her cousins had somehow been physically closer to me during that period and was holding some form of resentment that manifested last week.

You see, we had tried to encourage positive memories of that year and gradually replace any bad memories with new happy ones with her family. We never elaborated on the context of the case, we held back our tears during visits, and we did not allow the children to hear any negative words about the people involved in the case.

Even in my post, I try to not reflect negatively because, although I do harbor many negative emotions about that year and the events that took place, I do not believe that negative outbursts will not help anyone to heal. We did not start the blog to add to the negativity of these cases but rather to bring hope in light of so many negative emotions that people encounter in life. I also know that these children will mirror my actions, my emotions, and my beliefs. I have a responsibility to them and I refuse to let them down.

So, instead of talking about our time apart, we discuss our visits and the fun things that we did. Each week when we go to the library, we talk about how we have always went to the library. This replaces the notion of the “visits at the library” with a sense of normalcy that foster care strips away from children. When we do crafts, we talk about crafts that we did during that year. When we play with playdough, we talk about how we went to the store to buy shoes for our playdough statues that we had made. It is our hope that this is what they will remember from that year as we place moments in the context of her normal life.

With that stated, the ugly side of that year came out when I spoke to her about the possibility of seeing her former foster parents. Now, for many reasons I will not elaborate on the response in a public forum nor will I go into details as to why I made the inquiry. This post is not about that. Instead, it is about the perception of time and space that children use to form their emotions and reactions to situations.

Shortly after our discussion, I put the girls in the bathtub. Now, Clarabelle and Gloria typically laugh and play together all day. Bathtime becomes a field of splashing and dumping water on each other followed by giggles. On this night, however, I notice that Clarabelle is not playing and when Gloria dumps the first cup of water, Clarabelle shoves her away.

Hmmmm. This was odd but I had not put it together yet. I assumed she was tired and went ahead with the business of bathing the girls. The next day, Clarabelle sat on her uncle’s lap and wet herself. She then did the same to her stepdad. This beat all I had ever seen. I could not fathom what was going on. So, I did what we are known to do. I grabbed a cup of coffee and we went outside to chat about the world a bit.

“You know that you are the big girl here, right?”

“Yeah, but I want to be a baby.”

“Why? Babies don’t get to drink coffee!” (before you judge she gets cooled down hot chocolate for coffee time)

“I know. But babies get their Gigi all the time.”

Ahhhh…the lightbulb was starting to flicker but had not quite switched on!

If you recall, Gloria is a work in progress on potty training because of DS and the boys both find humor in peeing on the floor on their way to the potty (yes, this occurs more than I would care to state. Thank God for my Swiffer!). However, Clarabelle has been fully potty trained for quite some time.

“You get lots of Gigi time because you are a big girl.”

“But Gloria Ann and Braxton got more time. Why didn’t they have to go away?”

“Gloria and Braxton were in Florida, Clarabelle. You know they did not stay at Gigi’s house, right?”

“They didn’t? When I was with (FM) and (FF)? You did not keep them either?”

“No baby, Gigi used all of her time to bring you home because I love you.”

“Me too, Gigi!”

 

You see, the events that happen are experienced in the perception of the individual. Not everyone remembers or reflects on something in the same way. I wonder how long she has thought that I had chosen her cousins over her. Maybe the idea just popped in her head because I only asked her the question and not them. Maybe the reminder of the events sent her little mind into a state of fear and uncertainty.  Hell, it did the same to me. But regardless, we will continue to answer her questions and pray that she will be allowed to fully heal from these events.

 

To understand an experience, one must see it through the eyes of others.

“Gigi”